Archive 35

OCTOBER 30, 2018 TUESDAY 2 AM - THE DEVIL MADE ME DO IT

No, not eating the kids Halloween candy. We already did that.

It was our second visit to THE HAUNTED FUNERAL HOME in INKSTER last night...can’t get enough of that old school!

Their mild mannered funeral home director is dressed impeccably in a custom-tailored suit. His gentle, kind words of reassurance prove quickly to lack any credibility as all hell breaks loose in a flash. GREAT STUFF!

OCTOBER 29, 2018, MONDAY 2 PM - A MONDAY NIGHT LIKE NO OTHER

“I don’t like Monday’s... TELL ME WHY... I don’t like Monday’s” goes the song by what’s-his-name...

And I get that.

Many people dread Monday’s because it means the end of the fun they just had at weekend events, parties and such...

But what if you could bring that same fun back on Monday Night???

THE NO-BRAINER FROM BEYOND

Now you can! For you, dear Zioptis reader, it’s not over because here’s the list of HAUNTS OPEN TONIGHT.

MONDAY NIGHT MONSTERS AWAIT at: AWAKEN, AZRA, THE CRYPT, DERANGED, EREBUS, EXIT 13, HAUNTED FARM OF TERROR, HAUNTED FUNERAL HOME, JACKSON’S UNDERWORLD, PHANTOM FOREST HAYRIDE, and ROTTEN MANOR!

OCTOBER 29, 2018 MONDAY 1 PM - Now being written: review for HAUNTED WOODS OF TERROR in CARO. See Reviews 2018_A.

Note - when you first select Reviews you’ll see BLUE TABS on the right of the page. These have not been enabled yet, after our much beleaguered website recovery process. However, you can access all reviews by clicking on THE LEFT SIDE of the page.

OCTOBER 29, 2018 MONDAY 12 NOON - LIGHT AT THE END OF THE TUNNEL

Boo hoo! The haunting season is drawing to a close soon, but the memories of many wild shared experiences will remain long after the last SNICKERS BAR has made its way into the sewage system!

GOOD TO THE LAST DROP

However, some haunts aren’t done yet and we’ll compile a list of them soon.

DIGITAL REDEMPTION

Last year we had a major disappointment that we were determined not to repeat, when we lost some primo pics of HUSH to a memory card failure.

So last night we immediately copied all the pics we got onto the computer, and we already posted a few on the HUSH FACEBOOK PAGE.

The new show at HUSH is excellent, and lived up to what everyone was telling us about this highly dynamic young haunt. Their passion for the haunt genre is exceeded perhaps only by the massive crowds that descend like locusts here!

The setup is brilliant, with spectacular visuals outside as well as in. There’s multiple perches on top of the building from which monsters entertain the queue line, and throw haunted goodies down to them.

We got excellent high resolution pics of this, but ditched the camera before touring the haunt so as not to detract from the experience.

We love haunting! And you do too, or you wouldn’t be reading this now. Stay tuned, lots more still to come...

OCTOBER 29, 2018 MONDAY 11 AM - OUT OF MY MIND ON MONDAY MOANIN’

What a long, strange trip it’s been...and that was just last night!

HUSH was such a blast, and we talked to so many people...staff and happy haunters...that we never made it to AWAKEN. Our apologies to them.

Lots more to tell you, but first up is a date with the coffee machine. My partner bought some TRADER JOE’S PUMPKIN SPICE COFFEE that’s super delicious...back in a few...

OCTOBER 28, 2018 SUNDAY 6 PM - OH WHERE, OH WHERE HAS MY LITTLE DOG GONE?

Just lamenting some of our favorite haunts that are now lost, or trying to find their way back...so many, but first on the list has to be THE REALM OF DARKNESS and THE HAUNTING.

THE BONE YARD is sorely missed too, as well as SINISTER, ERWIN’S BARN OF HORRORS and TERRORTOWN in TOLEDO.

A NIGHTMARE ON ELM ROAD had become our unofficial HALLOWEEN PARTY NIGHT destination, and we always had a blast at McCURDY’S REVENGE and HAUNTED HALLOWS in WESTLAND as well as HAUNTED HOLLOWS in ARMADA.

Not quite as bad but still a bummer is the hiatus of 3 fabulous haunts: CLIO MANOR HAUNTED HOUSE in FLINT, KRAZY HILDA’S in YPSILANTI and ST. LUCIFER’S HAUNTED ASYLUM in GRAND BLANC. We hope to see them all back next year!

WITH HIS EARS CUT SHORT & HIS TAIL CUT LONG, OH WHERE, OH WHERE CAN HE BE?

There’s lots more (see “Closed”) but one last haunt to mention now that will always hold a very special place in our heart: DEADLY INTENTIONS in WARREN was over-the-top ultra wacky, with an army of unique recurring characters like Morbid Melvin who wore a beanie-copter hat.

DEADLY INTENTIONS embodied the true spirit of haunting. The creator HOWARD ERLICH went to MUTILATION MANSION as a kid, and became a haunt actor immediately after the first time he went through!

Howard went on to provide A QUARTER CENTURY OF HAUNTING EXCELLENCE, and was once awarded HAUNT OF THE YEAR by THE GORE GUIDE which was created by our old friend and comrade in arms JOHN POE.

OCTOBER 28, 2018 SUNDAY 4 PM - A TALL HAZELNUT WITH CREAM

A jolt of java never hurts in preparation for an EPIC NIGHT OF HAUNTING!

There’s LOTS of Detroit Market Haunts still open tonight including:

AWAKEN, AZRA, BESTMAZE, BLAKE’S, BONADEO FARMS, THE CRYPT, DERANGED, THE EDSON INCIDENT, EREBUS, EXIT 13, GORE GROUNDS, HAUNTED FUNERAL HOME, THE HAUNT, HAUNTED FARM OF TERROR, HAUNTED GARAGE PRODUCTIONS, HUSH, JACKSON’S UNDERWORLD, NIGHT TERRORS AT WIARD’S, NILES SCREAM PARK, ROTTEN MANOR, SCAREFEST SCREAM PARK, THE SCREAM MACHINE, SLAUGHTERED AT SUNDOWN, SLAUGHTERHOUSE, TERROR ON 27, and TERRORFIED FOREST & MANOR

ALVIN TOFLER WAS RIGHT, YOU KNOW

Wow, that’s quite a selection...and it reminds me of something I read long ago in a book called FUTURE SHOCK.

This Alvin dude is basically predicting the future, and one thing he says will make things difficult is “OVERCHOICE.”

Go to the drug store in ANY CITY, USA and you’ll see it running rampant. There’s like 20 varieties of whatever you’re looking for!

But this being DETROIT, THE WORLD CAPITAL OF HAUNTED HOUSES, we have our own SPECIAL OVERCHOICE situation right now.

A NICE PROBLEM TO HAVE

Above, we’ve listed TWENTY SIX HAUNTS OPEN TONIGHT!

On top of all that, to help close out the 2018 season with a bang:

DARKSYDE ACRES is closed tonight but open NOV. 2 & 3

EREBUS is open every day until & including Halloween and NOV. 2 & 3

THE HAUNT is also open OCT. 30 & 31

HAUNTED FARM OF TERROR is also open OCT. 29 & 30

HUSH is also open OCT. 30 & 31 and NOV. 2 & 3

OCTOBER 28, 2018 SUNDAY 4 AM - THE IRRESISTIBLE SAD PUPPY DOG

Last night’s plans to hit HUSH were put on hold yet again by of all things a whimpering pooch...sorta.

My partner couldn’t make it out last night, so I forged ahead without her.

First stop was a 2nd visit to DERANGED in ROMULUS, and it was much improved since our 1st visit there on opening night...HOORAY! A steady stream of happy haunters came despite the wet weather.

Then off to HUSH, who we already tried twice to attend.

RING! RING! My cell went off...my anxious partner was calling:

“Yeah, I’m at HUSH right now...it’s totally bonkers!”

“Really? What’s it like there?”

“There’s hundreds of people waiting in line, and I asked several ecstatic groups that were leaving what they thought...thumbs up across the board. The radio station is here broadcasting live...nobody cares about the rain...it’s off the hook crazy...”

“WAH! (whimpering) You’re going to HUSH without me???” (more whimpering)

“Well...”

“Look, it’s bad enough we can’t go to TERRORTOWN anymore...WAH! (still more whimpering) Let me check...they’re open Sunday night...I wanna come too...”

“Sheesh! You gals only have one thing on your mind...get your mind out of the gutter already! Hey, I’m more than just a sausage with 2 legs attached...I’m a sensitive guy with feelings...I pick flowers...”

“Shut up, Dill! (one of her nicknames for me) Let’s go to HUSH first thing tomorrow night...maybe we can still hit AWAKEN after that. We can get on the freeway real easy...” (end of call)

My fate was sealed. After all, who can resist throwing a bone to a whimpering puppy dog? (;

OCTOBER 27, 2018 SATURDAY 4 PM - STRAIGHT FROM THE HORSE’S MOUTH

We love talking to haunt operators, especially after they’ve just WOWED US!

Usually we have to make it short and sweet, in order to make it to the next haunt on time.

However, if it’s the last haunt for the night we can kick back and relax.

And so it was last night at EXIT 13...

The operators were quick to ask us if we’d been to ROTTEN MANOR in HOLLY and HUSH in WESTLAND, which we have not.

ROTTEN MANOR stormed into the Detroit haunt market in 2015, and could easily someday become the PREMIER MEGA HAUNT IN THE DETROIT HAUNT MARKET.

They also told us HUSH has upped its game dramatically, and totally reinvented itself for 2018.

Previous WESTLAND plans including HUSH and the new PANIC were thwarted twice, and a blown furnace ruined earlier plans to hit ROTTEN MANOR.

We’ve been following both of these closely since they started, and can’t wait to see what wild and crazy stuff they’re up to!

OCTOBER 27, 2018 SATURDAY 3 PM - BREAKING THE SILENCE, AT LONG LAST!

Thanks for believing in us, even during our extended forced absence during the transition from our old XP computer that died to a new one...

Just checked the website hit list and was surprised to see lots of you were still logging on, even before we regained uploading capability.

Too long for here on the main page - the current hit list has been copied and pasted into “Archives 33.”

OCTOBER 27, 2018 SATURDAY 2 PM - REACH OUT AND TOUCH SOMEONE...

No, not like the Telephone Company would have you do...

It was EXIT 13 in MOUNT MORRIS (near Flint) last night, the final haunt of 3 we hit last night...

At most haunts, the beginning statement before entering goes something like: “The monsters will not touch you, please do not touch them.”

But EXIT 13 is the HANDS ON HAUNT that DOES touch you...wait, make that GRAB YOU as they shake your soul and rattle your guts!

(However this is optional. If you’re a scardy cat you can wear glow ware that alerts the actors not to touch you.)

DEEP IN THE FOREST, ALONE WITH YOUR FEARS...AND TONS OF MONSTERS

Our first stop last night was WICKED WOODS OF TERROR in CARO, and they got us in every possible way from every possible place! We saw firsthand why another haunt operator said we had to check this out...

After that, we went to the EDSON INCIDENT in BAY CITY...WOWSER! It’s like...the naturally existing ambiance is off-the-charts to begin with...so it’s easy to CRANK IT TO ELEVEN and they did, BIG TIME!

OCTOBER 26, 2018 FRIDAY 1 PM - AHOY THERE MATEY!

We just talked to the operator of THE EDSON INCIDENT in BAY CITY (also on tonight’s schedule) and there’s lots of changes for 2018 that are keeping the crowds big and the scares intense!

They blew us away when we saw them for the first time last year - see Reviews 2017_A.

OCTOBER 26, 2018 FRIDAY 12 NOON - THE HIGHEST RECOMMENDATION

Let’s say you’re having a delicious dinner at JOHNSON’S STEAK HOUSE. Everything is great, so you compliment the chef.

But before you leave, the chef says, “Thanks a lot! But the next time you eat out, you really should go to GARY’S GIZZARDS.”

Well, that’s what happened to us recently.

But it wasn’t a restaurant. We just made up those names.

It was a super successful haunt, and they told us we really should go to WICKED WOODS OF TERROR in CARO.

Hmmm...we’ve had recommendations like this before that we wisely followed and were never disappointed.

THE HAUNTING in ADRIAN (gone now) told us to go to GHOSTLY MANOR in SANDUSKY, OHIO and THE SCREAM MACHINE in TAYLOR told us to go to THE HAUNT in GRAND RAPIDS.

Wet weather hindered our previous efforts to hit WICKED WOODS OF TERROR, but tonight wild horses couldn’t keep us away! This haunt is the centerfold darling of THE HAUNT GUIDE for 2018...they must be doing something right! (;

OCTOBER 25, 2018 THURSDAY 11 PM - NOW YOU SEE IT, NOW YOU DON’T

One of the earliest remaining ORIGINAL HAUNTED HOUSES is now just a pile of garbage.

Every year we made a pilgrimage to this haunt, on Dix at the Lincoln Park Community Center...

And this is a haunt that predates even THE HAUNTED GALLERY (which eventually became EREBUS) and HOUSE OF NIGHTMARES (which eventually became REALM OF DARKNESS).

We’re talking about ANXIETY ALLEY, and it was just a few trailers thrown together by THE JAYCEE’S.

WHEN LESS IS MORE

It was as stripped down basic old school as you can imagine. One example: an actor hiding in the dark holding a paper bag and a flashlight lights himself up and pops the bag while yelling “BOO!”

Nothin’ fancy, but it introduced several generations of kids to the THRILL OF HAUNTING.

Early haunts like this, and MUTILATION MANSION* in MADISON HEIGHTS are largely responsible for the very existence of the haunted attraction genre!

When we couldn’t find ANXIETY ALLEY, we did some checking and found that the severely worn out trailers were finally disposed of.

* = See more about MUTILATION MANSION in the post below: “OCTOBER 21, 2018 SUNDAY 9 PM - FOX FINALLY GETS IT RIGHT, SORTA”

OCTOBER 25, 2018 THURSDAY 4 PM - WRECKING BALL MEETS ICONIC HAUNT

We didn’t see this one coming, but NO haunt lasts forever... ):

(Stay tuned, coming later this evening!)

OCTOBER 30, 2018 TUESDAY 2:30 AM - $100 TO GET IN, BUT YOUR MONEY BACK IF YOU MAKE IT ALL THE WAY THROUGH!

Yeah, right.

Have you ever heard something like this about a mystery haunt?

It’s total baloney, and here’s a popular prior posting that may ring a bell:

OCTOBER 27, 2015 TUESDAY 1 AM - DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THIS ONE HAUNTED HOUSE WHERE_____________________________? (fill in the blank)

Ever play the "Telephone Game," where a circle of people whispers a "secret" to each other one at a time until it goes all the way around?

The first person writes the "secret" down, and compares it to what the final person says. It's NEVER the same, and the results can be hilarious.

Now, imagine a "Telephone Game" where the "secret" is about an outrageous haunted house where all sorts of disgusting stuff is going on.

So every year there's FAKE HAUNT STORIES that are stretched to new dimensions of absurdity with every re-telling.

Multiply this concept by several thousand or so, and you've got this ever evolving story about an illusive HAUNT FROM BEYOND THAT DOESN'T EVEN EXIST, yet lives a life that cannot die!

The details vary widely, but there's always one thing in common with all of these amazing stories - nobody can ever tell you exactly where the haunt is. Why?

It's simple. It's only an urban legend.

But in peoples' minds...ah, that's a whole different animal.

There, it mutates itself and slays even the most rugged He-Man that eats pit bulls for breakfast.

As far as we know, the first version of this story goes something like this:

"There's a haunt that costs $100 to get in, but there's 10 rooms and you get back $10 for every room you make it thru.

But unspeakable things happen there, and three people already went insane.

In fact, NOBODY has made it past the third room! It's put on by a frat house in Ann Arbor that got banned and kicked out of U of M.

The crazy haunt from hell includes renegade Medical Students who got booted from U of M MED SCHOOL for stealing body parts from cadavers!

They performed hideous experiments, and decided to see what they could get away with before being shut down by the Police.

The first room is filled with 6 inches of water, and you must remove your shoes and socks. (They do promise to return them later when you exit.)There are hundreds of snakes slithering around your feet and in between your toes, but all non-poisonous so they can't get sued.

The second room is totally pitch black. As you make your way to a hallway end, you feel gooey slimy stuff on the wall. It's human remains, mixed in with turkey guts to completely fill the wall.

You get blood all over your clothes. It smells like death, and everybody gags and throws up.

The third room is only 25 feet square, but has 500 live rats. You still have no shoes or socks, so they go to town on your feet and ankles.

But to avoid lawsuits all the rats have been de-teethed so you don't actually get bit, just gummed." (end of FICTIONAL story - do NOT repeat this to anyone!)