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Take a sneak peek from previous mud parties: www.flickr.com/photos/45316911@N03/albums/7215764560634988 4

www.flickr.com/photos/45316911@N03/albums/7215763458009337 3

JULY 8, 2016 FRIDAY 1 AM - CALLING ALL CRUE HEADS

This weekend is the UNCLE SAM JAM in WOODHAVEN, with FIREWORKS ON FRIDAY NIGHT along with a free concert by 38 SPECIAL.

BANG YOUR HEAD / METAL HEALTH

Then, on Saturday night the free concerts continue with VINCE NEIL wsg GREAT WHITE.

Vince Neil was the singer for the recently defunct MOTLEY CRUEwho were some of the ORIGINAL BAD BOYS OF HARD ROCK.

I remember at one really CRAZY CRUE CONCERT, Tommy Lee had his drum set mounted inside a giant metal cage which eventually started spinning around!

At one point they stopped this insane contraption and left him totally upside down! Only his super long hair was not secured to this crazy thing, and he shook his head wildly to the delight of all the HEADBANGERS AT PINE KNOB that night!

Full schedule: www.funfestevents.net/uncle-sam-jam/

JUNE 14, 2016 TUESDAY 12:15 AM - A GARAGE SALE LIKE NO OTHER

Since 2006, The Motor City Haunt Club has been hosting their HAUNTED GARAGE SALE. It's a fabulous idea, and a big win-win for all involved!

The next one is coming up on Saturday, September 10, 2016 and will be held at the new location of HUSH which is the old Skateland West in Westland.

Get in touch with Karen Murphy or Hush to get on board, and help this become another big success!

JUNE 6, 2016 - OUT OF MY MIND ON MONDAY MOANIN'!

MAY 3, 2016 TUESDAY 11 AM - BUCKEYE SHAKEUP

Just caught a rumbling of big change coming next season in Ohio - stay tuned...

APRIL 28, 2016 THURSDAY 10 PM - NATIONAL SUPER HERO DAY TODAY!

I didn't know there was such a thing...saw on TV news earlier that today is National Super Hero Day.

More and more, WOMEN are being cast in superhero type roles. And sure enough, one image I saw in the article was of SUPERWOMAN which is great!

HOWEVER, we know of another FEMALE SUPERHERO that will be making a big splash in the near future that's the physical inverse of SUPERWOMAN and most others we've seen recently in the media and Cosplay world...

Enter CANDY FISHALOT, a most unlikely heroine that will confuse and yet endear you as no other heroine ever has.

Not only that, CANDY accomplishes this despit smelling strongly of dead fish.

Candy was given a pet cod fish she named HERMAN, and she quickly took to him.

But she was concerned that HERMAN was missing out on the best experiences life has to offer, and felt he should explore the world with her.

So she liberated him from the stuffy confines of his fishbowl, and placed him in her left rear pocket for safe keeping.

Mentally stuck in ALICE IN WONDERLAND, Candy had no idea of the consequences of Herman's "liberation from solitary confinement."

More later about Candy's SUPERHERO qualities, but now let's give you a mental image of her physical profile to form in your mind:

First, picture this...Jane Parker, Candy’s next door neighnor and best friend: a leggy super tall ultra curvaceous model with an hour-glass figure and very large bust.

CANDY FISHALOT is the complete opposite of that.

She stands a full 4 feet and 11 inches tall, and is a skinny twig of a girl.

She's a natural blonde, but her hair is neither straight nor curly.

Candy cuts her own hair to save money with awkward results; otherwise she couldn't take poor FIN-TIN to Burger King every Tuesday.

Her smile instantly melts even the meanest people on earth.

Her wardrobe features blue jeans and T-shirts of obscure bands like THE MAHAVISHNU ORCHESTRA, KING CRIMSON, and ATOMIC ROOSTER.

Candy refuses to wear high heels, going back to a traumatic incident earlier.

Her then boyfriend insisted on buying her an expensive pair of high heels, saying she couldn't be pretty unless she was taller. Candy craved acceptance, and accepted his premise.

On their first (and last) date, he took her to a fly-by-night haunted house.

They paid no attention to the footwear of its patrons, and Candytook a spill on a metal grating surface.

She landed at the feet of the ugly witch hag actress and Candy looked up to plea for help.

But the witch just laughed and pointed at her, wickedly cackling "LOSER... LOSER...GROW UP LITTLE GIRL!" She then picked Candy up like a whiffle ball and tossed her out the Chicken Exit head first, landing on muddy cement.

Adding insult to injury, the witch opened the door for her parting shot adding "AND GROW SOME BOOBS WHILE YOU'RE AT IT, TWIG GIRL."

Our hapless Candy crawled away dejected, and yet later this moment became the seed leading to an incredible journey that landed CANDY ON TOP OF THE WORLD AND A BONA FIDE SUPER HERO FOR THE AGES.

It's an incredible FORREST GUMP like story for the ages, rooted firmly in fish, compassion, and of course, Zioptis.

Stay tuned, as we reveal amazing serendipities and more about Candy's pet fish Herman that will shock you and further confuse the issues.

APRIL 3, 2016 SUNDAY 3 PM - TELL ME A STORY, MOMMY...

Little kids around the world ask this question every day, and the results can be astronomical...like with Candy Fishalot...as you will see later...

But that brings to mind one overriding element of the BEST HAUNTS regardless of their size or budget...mainly, WHAT'S THEIR STORY?

Of course you still expect the scares and wild imagery.

But it's got to be a lot more, and it doesn't take lots of money either...just some high quality imagination...Mr. Burns comes to mind offhand...and not Monty from The Simpsons...haha GOTCHA Chicken S!

So when a haunt (like for example THE HAUNTED HYDRO in FREMONT, OHIO) uses powerful storytelling to mix up your emotions while scrambling your senses, the "sum total exceeds the parts" and THAT spells S-U-C-C-E-S-S for any haunt.

Oh yeah...one night we were at the HYDRO and there was ZERO WIND that night and the FOG WAS UNGODLY! That was the most incredible fog I can remember at a haunt with SCREAM PARK in NILES coming in a  close second.

Closer to Detroit, you can take a mystical medieval journey and subject yourself to time machine experiments all in the same city!

Stories are everywhere, and new interesting ones are always developing in the overactive imaginations of coffee guzzlers all over the place...perhaps even right around the corner from you.

THE INCREDIBLE POWER OF WORDS

COMING SOON - HOW JUST FOUR WORDS changed Candy Fishalot's life forever at age 6.

These FOUR WORDS instantly gave her the weapon to slay every dragon she would face for the rest of her life.

She is invincible. She is CANDY FISHALOT. Love her. Or else.

APRIL 2, 2016 SATURDAY 5 AM - GETTING TO KNOW YOUR PALS AT ZIOPTIS

A CANDY FISHALOT PRIMER - NOT FOR THE SQUEAMISH

(Coming soon! However, you have to promise me you won't tell anybody Candy's strange secrets that we will be revealing exclusively to you. If you tell, Dale Bombast will hunt you down and remove your limbs. Thank you.)

APRIL 1, 2016 FRIDAY 11 PM - A FAMILY TREE LIKE NO OTHER

If you've been calling Zioptis Dial-a-Trip for any length of time (it started in 1986) the names Dail Bombast (AKA Dale Bombast), Fin-Tin the Dirt-Faced Clown, and Candy Fishalot are old hat to you.

You probably remember for example, that Dail is the WORLD'S BIGGEST TALK SHOW HOST, as he is forty-five feet tall. That is big.

Fin-Tin the Dirt-faced Clown is hard to miss as well. Nobody knows for sure how old he is, because he only confides in his shiny, yellow trike...and Candy Fishalot.

Fin-Tin sports a genuine Cuban cigar butt, which takes its special place in the corner of his mouth. He is proud to help rid the neighborhood of litter.

Fin-Tin can walk, but he chooses only to ride his trike instead as his sole mode of transportation. Sadly, the child's tricycle is not rated for continuous duty while supporting a severly overweight adult man.

Unfortunately, the resulting display puts most people off, and he wears an ill-advised crop-top styled T-shirt upon which Candy has written the word "FRIEND" with a Blue Sharpie pen as best she can.

CANDY FISHALOT is FIN-TIN'S ONLY HUMAN FRIEND.

Candy neither pities or judges Fin-Tin.

Tolerance implies no lack of commitment to one's own beliefs. Rather it condemns the oppression or persecution of others.

You think Fin-Tin is weird?

Well, just wait until you hear the backstory of Candy Fishalot and Her Magnificent Tryst with Destiny...coming soon to a Zioptis near you.

You will laugh. You will cry. It is confusing.

Perhaps you can help poor Candy Fishalot figure it all out. But probably not.

Thank you.

APRIL 1, 2016 FRIDAY 10 PM - PRANKSTERS OF THE NEW FRONTIER

First of all, HAPPY APRIL FOOL'S DAY!

Hope you had some silly fun, and THAT is exactly what led to the creation of Zioptis to begin with.

But now we need your help, please.

It's our dear friend CANDY FISHALOT.

As you may know, she is a Charter Member of The Zioptis Family Tree.

Candy has gone missing, and we've already checked all the fish stores to see if she has secured employment at a local fish monger.

As you know, Candy Fishalot absolutely adores fish...and not just to eat either.

She has a pet fish, like many other young women in the area.

We better not tell you the details of that yet...we want you to like Candy Fishalot!

WAIT...more than that we want you to ADORE HER...and you will soon enough...

Despite some peculiar social deviancies. she's a loveable waif that's impossible to hate.

Stay tuned...it's gets weirder...but better too.

Trust me. I'm Zioptis, and you're not.

Whoops that's a snarky little tidbit that rubbed off on me from Candy. She often reminds people that, "I'M CANDY FISHALOT, and you're not."

Didn't mean to be rude. I am sorry.

(This excursion into new territory is proudly brought to you by Aunt Gilda's Famous Poached Man Swine with savory Dillwad Sauce - in the dairy case.)

MARCH 27, 2016 SUNDAY 11 PM - NEW BLOOD, NEW FRONTIERS

Okay, in talking with my partner (which we do almost daily) we often come back to talking about the new haunts that excite us...wondering what they'll do next and such.

There's lots of new haunts, and we LOVE them all...BUT...the 2 that we find ourselves coming back to and imagining wild stuff about are CLIO MANOR HAUNTED HOUSE and HUSH...oh yeah, also PLEASE COME BACK McCURDY'S REVENGE...we miss you so much...not just your awesome haunt either...

Okay...onwards...so I was in Garden City recently for something...and decided to take the "scenic route" back and drove to the brand new location for HUSH in Westland.

The parcel of land they have looks like it could easily skyrocket them and still leave plenty of room for future expansion.

There's an amazing giant parking lot immediately adjoining a small forest, and tons of indoor space too. WE CAN'T WAIT!

Oh yeah...one last thing about HUSH: We went to their final event last February at the old location to join in the "send off" but did not plan to do a review...strictly for enjoyment...

HUSH NAILS IT BIG TIME IN FORD ROAD SWAN SONG

But we got the review anyway with virtually no effort. We spotted two girls totally out-of-control-crazy-freaking-out, running out of the HUSH exit.

Ever prepared, I whipped out my trusty Sony recorder and did an impromtu interview that will be transcribed verbatim in the near future.

While there's a million different ways to get that level of reaction at a haunt,  we often find that it's not so much what you HAVE, but HOW you use it...and of course how good your actors are that determines your success or failure.

This revealing transcript shows clearly that the hapless girl's emotions were scrambled so fast it shook their soul into the Freakout Zone.

The powerful imagery and acrobatic antics of HUSH did them in, and these girls were temporarily NOT in control of their emotionsto their absolute giddy delight and thrill! And THAT kind of energy naturally spills onto anyone close by...LUCKY US!

You blew it...you missed out...why weren't you there at Hush for this great moment? What's wrong with you anyway?

Maybe your boyfriend doesn't spank you enough. I am sorry.

HAPPY EASTER FROM YOUR PALS AT ZIOPTIS!

FEBRUARY 1, 2016 MONDAY 11 PM - Just spotted this wild creative artwork, some of which would be right at home in a haunt! Check it out - short collection at www.bloodyloud.com/surreal-pop-art-todd-schorr/  or the full collection at www.ToddSchorr.com

HAUNTS THAT CLOSED, BUT ARE NOT FORGOTTEN:

1. THE HAUNTING, ADRIAN - world class magician staged large & small scale mind blowing magic shows, first major Stu Smith 3D display, first effective green laser liquid sky room, used local college drama students, master of misdirection, best bang-for-the-buck, mind boggling impossible situations involving actors and pathways, giant scale room illusions, vigorous haunt cross-promotion.

2. HAUNTED HOLLOWS, ARMADA - fabulous haunt was last open in 2012, incredible invisible actor, awarded BEST TWISTED GAG in 2011, actress "Scarlet" won BEST CREEPY ACTOR in 2011, largest drive-thru black hole, industry stunned when unexpectedly shuttered in 2013, status unknown.

3. THE SCREAM MACHINE, TAYLOR - went missing in 2014 after a very long run in various locations including Heritage Park in Taylor and the Gibraltar Trade Center in Taylor. Changed hands several times, yet became another Megahaunt that closed.

REOPENED IN 2016! YAY!!!